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Posts Tagged ‘Freakcycle’

“Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” 

All righty…Zoltar didn’t say that.   Lao Tzu actually said it.  Zoltar would have probably said something to the effect of, “Be happy bitches, and stop whining…Freakcycle’s finally got a post up so get that twist outta your panties already”.

Being part of the zombie workforce kind of sucks.   Gone are the days of 10 am coffee or wine coolers (depending on my mood) and now its only whine.   In fact, I’ve mentioned some variation of wine or whine twice already, three times if you count this sentence.  I’m out of practice, I’ve got a lot to say, and I’m not editing a darn thing.  Did I mention I’m cranky too?

Took this pic of my friend Zoltar when I went to Atlantic City to try and win big so I could tell the Man to stuff it and return to my previous life of leisure.  That didn’t happen- the winning big, or the life-changing prophecy. Zoltar didn’t say a godammn thing to me.

You gotta pay for the big Z to dispense his pearls of wisdom and being the know-it-all that I am, I felt he couldn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know.  I didn’t spend a penny seeking good fortune because I’m kind of a cheap bastard.

I wandered around for hours with my significant other and we laughed at the folly of sad-sacks as they plopped their chips on tired, fading felt tables again and again. We’d taken the trip for some grins and giggles but when we were done, instead of joy, we felt empty and desperate.  A place like Atlantic City will do that to you.

Why am I telling you all this?  (Run-on sentence alert) Because you are either a person who sees the glass half-empty or the glass half-full and that will dictate what view you have of the world, be it the view off of a houseboat in Cambodia or the concrete you wake up to under the cardboard box in a grimy alley behind Caesar’s Palace in Atlantic City.

Stop judging.  Since I am a glass half-full kind of person, all you need to know is that the cardboard was clean and quite pleasant.

Alternately, if you are a glass half-empty kind of person, you have no business reading this blog.  We are positive and pleasant folk here, with sunny dispositions and a great outlook on the world.  (Like how I started it off all pissy and cranko and now I’m skipping on a double rainbow with my pet unicorn?—see our ABOUT page. Classic number 6 behavior)

We’ve featured a couple of sunshine-chasing Freecyclers below to help get you on board.  Believe in the possibility of what the holders of “The Secret” already know. “Everything is possible, nothing is impossible”.

Remember that when you’re looking for direction, pie in the sky fortunes, back patting, half-truths and hacky life coaching, you don’t have to look for it at the casino or elsewhere for that matter because Freakcycle’s already got your back.

What’s the moral of this story in a nutshell? (Again, crazy is as crazy does and we’re plenty aware of it, so don’t go there) Now, where was I? Oh yeah, the moral. Sometimes you have to walk all the way around the block before you realize you’re already home.

Still with us?

  • WANTED: LCD Television (Fxxxxxd)- I am looking for a flat screen HD LCD television- any size. Thank you for considering!
  • WANTED: Running Vehicle (Kxxxxxt)- Don’t know if am allowed to post this. Need a running vehicle. My car’s block cracked and I need a running vehicle to get to work. Will take most anything that does not need major motor/trans issues. Minor like brakes, tune up, etc is fine. Thank you for your help.
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Guten Tag!!!  Thought we were gone for good?  Nope. Like a stubborn herpes, we are here to stay.  We were just in remission for a while.

What logical reason would we have to leave you hanging in cyberspace for this long while, you ask?

Well, there’s a treasure trove of possibilities.  Choose one that suits you.  They are all improbably probable.

  • the self-important, “Cease and Desist” reason where inexplicably, the Freecycle Network sees us as more than a pesky mosquito in its ear, and says, “Bitches…you are to stop using the name Freakcycle because it’s defamatory, just plain obnoxious and sounds too much like Freecycle”.
  • we had a “February Fried Frog Legs” party and almost died from remorse.
  • we spent the last thirteen weeks building a rocket ship made out of all the things we made fun of on Freakcycle.  We used it to fly into the great beyond only to find that we were just as lonely on the Moon as we are on Earth.
  • we’re not good multi-taskers and when actually thrown out into the world to see if we could really make a living from a “nine to fiver”, we just crumpled in defeat and self-pity.
There you go.  You have a better excuse for us?  Where did you think we went? Leave us a comment and three lucky people will get:
OFFER: 3 Toilet Seats- Have 3 used toilet seats up for grabs. I know some of you think it may be gross, but I’d rather keep them out of the dumps if someone needs them (pun intended) Beige and round seats.
Easy pickup off of Route xxW.

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Source

Most precious reader, our love for you knows no depths. Although we treasure you just as you are, we’d be remiss if we didn’t let you in on a little secret.

We think you can do better.  You’re smart and refined but you’d be downright summa cum laude if you allow us to school you a bit.  Ready to enroll?

Let’s jump right in.  We begin the class with an invitation and it requires a bit of a leap of faith.  Enter the twisty labyrinth right into our ticking time-bomb of a brain. Navigating the sea of our universe can be entertaining but frightful, much like the boat ride on the Chocolate River but we promise you’ll come out of it a much better person.

Lesson One: Familiarize yourself with the Official Freakcycle Glossary.  You may refer to it often as we use these terms regularly and we’ll continue adding more Freakcycle glossolalia as we go.

What kind of teacher would we be if we didn’t let you in on a cut of the action? We encourage you to be proactive and send us definitions and terms to consider entering into this most excellent bastion of knowledge.

That’s all for now.  Class dismissed.  See you tomorrow.

 

Blogtastrophe- If blog and catastrophe had a baby, it would be this.  We of course are completely exempt in this unholy union because let’s be real for a moment…you like us or else you wouldn’t be here, ok?

Freakruit, freakruited- When you submit to our blog any Freecycle foolishness you come across, we enroll you in our twisted army.  At ease, soldier, we won’t be too hard on you.  Drop and give us twenty…submissions, that is.

The Great Brain- This is our computer, where all the magic happens.

Qucked, qucked up– A  mistake made via typing the wrong letter on the Qwerty. We think that this is exceptionally funny and quite irresponsible.

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Where is Freakcycle?

Image by jessiem32

Cleaning shop, taking inventory and recharging the zing.  We’ll be stirring the pot again on Wednesday, June 30th.  Until then, save up some cuckoo posts for us.

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Image by bridges&balloons

Forget Target and H&M.  Makeovers on the cheap courtesy of us.  I have assembled the perfect look…part Runaways, part Clockwork Orange.  I’m telling you, were I fifteen again, I’d be rocking this.

Stop your trips to the mall, pimply teens.  It’s the Devil’s playground and nothing good can come from it, except maybe an Orange Julius.

Freecycle’s where it’s at, throw it all together and thank us later.  Trust Freakcycle…we’re the Axe Body Spray for your mojo, the Tim Gunn “make it work” moment in your miserable teen existence.

OFFER: New stylish mohawk wig-This is an item that is actually very beautiful, Its black and the middle is a deep bronze and very stylish. I went through a phase where I wanted to cut my hair and needed to see how short I wanted to go.. I never did cut my hair but I did keep the item and its never been worn.

Good for : Testing out the style, flat out getting Stylish and Club wear
Not : Halloween type

Pick up anytime..

OFFER: Boys black tuxedo shirt and jacket- Also comes with a cumber bun. Shirt says size 7 and jacket says 6, but we got both together.

WANTED: Mod/edgy Men’s sunglasses- Looking for something sporty, Oakley-ish, or even something truly outrageous
resembling a Star Trek Next Generation Jordi-visor. Doesn’t need to be an
expensive pair, or even in particularly good shape. Scratched is fine (though
of course I’d prefer to have something that doesn’t give me a headache in
sunshine!); just needs to be able to stay on my face and not look too dorky.

Need them for a modeling gig tomorrow (Thursday, 3/25) at six, so a Manhattan
pick-up would be ideal before then.

Thank you!

OFFER: Converse “Flame” sneakers- I’m offering a pair of Converse “Flame” sneakers, low not hi-top.

They’re unisex – Women’s size 8 or Men’s size 6.
Worn a few times, then sat around for a few years – my daughter didn’t like the
feel of Converse. Hope someone else can make use of them.

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Image by Juniper7997

What would we be without you, gentle reader? The following are posts that people have submitted to us via Twitter, Facebook, and our own Submissions page. Thank you because without your love, we’d be a dried out and flea-bitten sad little clown doll at the bottom of a flea market 25 cent sale bin.

  • I tweeted: a man called trevor on ealing freecycle is giving away an 8ft poster of Lenin and throwing in a 40x30cm picture of Marx—this really does need a punchline – sent in by Nancy
  • this one made me laugh – mostly because there was a note that it was edited by the admin…did the admin change lounger to longer?  Wanted – ab longer-Does anyone have an ab longer they dont want anymore, really would like to get back in shape and love that longer type.- sent by Jill Angie
  • Available in Ealing, London – a dirty mop bucket. Um.. right…OFFER: mop bucket W5- Red mop bucket. Has been outside so will need a clean. Fair Offer Policy: I will take a day or so to see what responses I get before deciding who to give item(s) to. This gives members on Daily Digest, or those who don’t have continual access to the Internet a fair chance to reply.- sent in by Nancy
  • OFFER: 6 pairs women’s underwear. Used but no stains or rips.- sent in by Happy Campers
  • WANTED: taxidermied animal heads-If you are have some sitting around, please email me – I will pick up.- sent in by Mxxxe1110
  • Odd request…Looking for the right arm and hand from a mannequin.Bruce- sent in by Nancy

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Image by patti haskins

Freakcycle has a cuckoo kitty who chews the whiskers off of the other kitty. He does it surreptitiously, in the guise of grooming her but he knows it’s wrong.  Cheek whiskers, eyebrow whiskers-the other cat has none to speak of except stubby remnants, sort of like a 5 o’clock shadow in whisker form.  She crashes into walls from time to time and we’ve tried everything to dissuade this strange exchange but he continues…Kitty 1’s behavior is bizarre and unexplainable but 100% true to the rest of his character.  He is totally nuts but we love him and figure he is in the best company with us.  We complement each other, just like these two Freecycle posts do.

WANTED: heavy duty dog toys,chews,bones, etc – Holmdel

I have a foster dog staying at my home. He has been here 3 months. One
of his major issues was resource guarding..meaning he would be aggressive
with toys, bones, snacks, etc. I am happy to report I have cured him of that
problem! I can give him toys and put my hand near his mouth, etc. yay!
saved another one!

now my problem is whatever I give him he is destroying! He chews them
apart same day….I know some of you must have a “kong” lying around, or some
other such chewy toy/bone that your dog never touches..and I would love to
give it some good use rehabbing this foster boy.

anything he can chew would be appreciated!


OFFER: Book

Hi….

It is a hard cover book, entitled How to Live with a Neurotic Dog,
written by Stephen Baker.

Reliable pick-ups only!!!

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