Le Coeur D’un Rongeur

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I had a dream last night that I’d developed a line of hamster products called “Petit Hamster Life”.  I had hamster habitats, wheels, toys, pellet foods and bedding, all emblazoned with a sweet and adorable logo of a hamster wearing a purple beret. My products were flying out of the pet stores and I couldn’t keep up with the demand and was feeling a bit stressed, I remember.

Visionary stuff, I know.  Don’t try and steal my idea or I’ll kidnap you and trap you in a human-sized critter habitat I’ve made just for thieves and charlatans.

This Freecycle post is making me consider expanding my line to include gerbils, guinea pigs, ferrets, and yes, even hedgehogs.

OFFER: toy making kit for hedgehog-

Thanks to clemencywright for turning us on to this offer via Twitter

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The Languid Sloth From Outer Space That Wasn’t

Yeah, I drew it for you.  ♥ Freakcycle

OFFER: Mxxxxxxxxxe New telescope left outside in the rain Dont know if it works anymore (?)

If this is not the height of laziness, and believe me, I have a PhD in laziness (as is evidenced by not posting in Freakcycle for two weeks).  If this post doesn’t take the blue ribbon for half-assedness, I truly don’t know what does.

Just look in the goddamn finder, for chrissakes to see if the telescope works.  Point it up to the sky and find the Planet of the Lazy Buffoon.  You recognize home, don’t you?

To top it all off, all info is thrown into the subject line because why even bother to write up a description for a questionable telescope? And punctuation? Never you mind.  Throw in a colon and a question mark in unecessary parentheses and call it a day.

Industrious readers and responsible citizens of Earth, I know that this type of Freecycle carelessness galls you to no end so to make up for this, I will give you a visual as to how I believe this post actually made it to Freecycle.

Please enjoy as I slip into geek-mode and describe my ideal storyline for a B-grade horror movie made on graduate-school budget.

Picture if you will,  a gelatinous blob with fingers (the only articulated body part it has) that drags itself across laminate flooring to the dusty computer in the dark. The ghostly light from the monitor picks up the gooey snail-like detritus left behind as the mass of flesh laboriously makes its trail from its hovel to the computer chair. As it snakes up the chair and heaves itself onto the keyboard, the sliding tray straining under all the weight, the 15-word telescope post is typed out 38 minutes later. With a loud thud, the blob drops out of the chair after hitting send and makes the long journey back to its hole in the wall, only the slimy trail left behind as evidence. Fade to credits…the end.

If you love gooey horror-ific creatures, check out this great post by Robert Hood at Undead Backbrain.  http://roberthood.net/blog/index.php/2011/04/10/blobs-swamp-muck-and-amorphous-things-that-go-splat-in-the-night/

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Booze Clues

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OFFER:  “Blues Clues makes noise but no batteries”

When this post was submitted, my first thought was that the blue puppy might be possessed like my old pal Chucky so we almost titled it “Boos Clues”  but after the third cup of coffee, just as I was pouring the Kahlua in (kidding, I’m kidding) I said, “Ha, funny Freecycle mama’s dipping in the sauce and the toys are talking”.

I’ve been there, mama so I’m not judging.  Raising my coffee cup to you right now. Cheers!

Thanks to Gardenwife for submitting via Twitter.

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