Eggs in the Cellar

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Freakcycle as you already know, embraces the strange.  Heck, we’d even venture to say that we’d like to hold it in a death grip if we could.  People who say strange things, like in this next post are our very favorite.  We like it when the motive for strangeness is obscured or enveloped in a haze of non-sensical jibber-jabber.  Take that last sentence, for example…HUH?  Exactly our point.

We introduce another category for our bizarre bazaar—“What’s He Building In There?”.  This will be the repository for all those Freecycle posts that hint at the possibility of a mad scientist, carpenter, or some other crafty freak at work.  People asking for glycerin by-products, old hen houses, and yes, sometimes even a hammer.  That hammer post was what gave us the idea for the new category. That and of course, one of our favorite oddballs, Tom Waits.

WANTED: 4 egg, egg poacher.
Please it must not smell like the cellar thanks
I have a 2 egg pocher for the microwave the egg gets too rubbery.

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This Is Kick-Ass…Who Wants It?

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OFFER: Technical/brand name: Equalizer Short Leg Walker

This is a boot with 5 Velcro straps that is designed to be worn over a cast, but can be worn without a cast over a foot/ankle that is not broken but sprained or just a little messed up, or just lonely and in need of attention. Also great for medium-duty butt-kicking when steel toe boots are just too much. Can also be used to stomp on bugs, snakes, and the occasional toe, after which you might be able to sell the boot.

Makes freaky footprints in the snow. You can also get out of a lot of work with one of these things!

Reply with phone number. Earliest pickup gets preference.

Thanks to Resident Hippie for sending this to us via SUBMISSIONS

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Freak Tweets of the Week- # 30

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• Wanted to go to Freecycle to offload some stuff I don’t need anymore… requires Yahoo registration! What is this, 1998?- by simoneleobrown
• Someone is offering “baby” Giant African Land Snails on my local freecycle. Anyone tried cooking them ?- by simiansuter
• If someone on Freecycle is offering “free dictionares”, can I laugh?- by alwen_lost-arts
• True Story: Someone on Freecycle just posted “WANTED: box big enough for a person to fit in.”- by TraciLJ
• Condoms on Freecycle… and just 4 of them? This world is weird- by Andy_K
• Blue iMac G3 on Freecycle. Must. Resist. Hoarding instinct.- by signaleleven
• He was the kind of man who ate most of his meals straight from a tin. Alone. Except for the mouse that came with the sofa from Freecycle.- by livetoloaf

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Not Gonna Doodad

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Why call it a PICKUP?  If they had actually picked them up off the floor, the beads would still be available.

P/U Beads in Hxxxxxl

I actually spilled these all over the floor so they are no longer available.

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Missoula on my Mind

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Oh mercy me, Missoula.  When are you going to notice us and let us into your Freecyle club?  Is it not enough that we have stalked you endlessly on Twitter? Sweet Garden City gorgeousity…give up the goods.  You tease us with your one-line come-ons and it just makes us want you more.  We professed our undying admiration to you once before right here for all of the internets to see and still our love goes unrequited.

We’ll say it one more time…no one posts Freecyle posts like you.  We are enraptured. Put us out of our misery and give us a cursory glance. Don’t make us play the James Ingram card again and have to go out like Gary did.

Anyone out there from Missoula?  We need a connection.

• [Missoula-Freecycle] OFFER: leaky fish tank. Missoula
• [Missoula-Freecycle] OFFER: some what working baby gate. Missoula

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Freak Tweets of the Week- # 29

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• Stock Freecycle reply “I’d really appreciate your $ITEM because I don’t have any money. Sent from my iPhone.”#YouKnowItAppendsThatRight?- by Rogerborg
• Freecycle poetry:”l have awesome finches the lady that call me . never showed up the woman said she come to my place after church “- by jeremyx
• Someone on LC’s freecycle is giving away an adult cockroach costume.- by CarrieMurph
• Freecycle can be a cruel, cruel mistress. #unrequitedemails- by parallelb
• my mum’s put speakers on freecycle and i’m using facebook to see if the freecyclers are hot- by jesswade

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Slacks Slacker

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I love this post.  I love the term female pants.  Putting on the female pants.  Going to try to use this as often as possible in my everyday conversations.  “Hey there, you look fantastic today…loving those female pants”, “Ladies, did you know there’s a sale on female pants at the K-Mart?” and so on.

Oh, and the urgency, the intrigue of this post!  This is an emergency.  An emergency?  I’m in absolute rapture…sigh. If I could have a Freecycle post of this caliber waiting for me in my inbox on the daily, I’d be dancing pirouettes in my skivvies across the parquet floor of my mansion.  How’s that for a visual?  You’re quite welcome, love.

One thing’s nagging at me though…I keep on wondering if this is poor Lady Gaga’s dad posting this on Freecycle.  You think?

WANTED-: Female pants—have a family member in desperate need of womans pants and shorts.  She is a size 5

This is an emergency

All help will be greatly appretiated

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Welcome to Freakcycle U

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Most precious reader, our love for you knows no depths. Although we treasure you just as you are, we’d be remiss if we didn’t let you in on a little secret.

We think you can do better.  You’re smart and refined but you’d be downright summa cum laude if you allow us to school you a bit.  Ready to enroll?

Let’s jump right in.  We begin the class with an invitation and it requires a bit of a leap of faith.  Enter the twisty labyrinth right into our ticking time-bomb of a brain. Navigating the sea of our universe can be entertaining but frightful, much like the boat ride on the Chocolate River but we promise you’ll come out of it a much better person.

Lesson One: Familiarize yourself with the Official Freakcycle Glossary.  You may refer to it often as we use these terms regularly and we’ll continue adding more Freakcycle glossolalia as we go.

What kind of teacher would we be if we didn’t let you in on a cut of the action? We encourage you to be proactive and send us definitions and terms to consider entering into this most excellent bastion of knowledge.

That’s all for now.  Class dismissed.  See you tomorrow.

 

Blogtastrophe- If blog and catastrophe had a baby, it would be this.  We of course are completely exempt in this unholy union because let’s be real for a moment…you like us or else you wouldn’t be here, ok?

Freakruit, freakruited- When you submit to our blog any Freecycle foolishness you come across, we enroll you in our twisted army.  At ease, soldier, we won’t be too hard on you.  Drop and give us twenty…submissions, that is.

The Great Brain- This is our computer, where all the magic happens.

Qucked, qucked up– A  mistake made via typing the wrong letter on the Qwerty. We think that this is exceptionally funny and quite irresponsible.

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Pee Wee the Incorrigible

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OFFER: Unruly iguana with cage, Mxxxxxxxxn, please read–We have had “Pee Wee” the iguana for 3 years, however he is not tamed. He will bite. He has been fed the appropriate diet and still is unruly. He comes complete with cage with all the lights, no food though. If you are interested please email me back. Please note that this iguana is not for children. He is about 2 ft long (including tail)
Gxxl

Thanks to Carrie for submitting via email.

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Freak Tweets of the Week- # 28

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• The GF has discovered http://www.freecycle.org ; my net worth is dropping quickly, she doesn’t know how much I $pent for the stuff she gives away-ronlaudadio
• on Freecycle “OFFERED-a happy new year!” …must be something wrong with it for it to be given away after only 3 days! #Iblamethegovt- by BarefacedPoet
• Scored some sneakers on Freecycle! Wonder where I can get that stuff they spray in bowling shoes…by mrs_ornery
• Someone on freecycle wants a ‘radiator cat hammock’ because their cat likes to ‘hug the radiator’… wish I could say I’m joking about this- by Stephhhh_
• @acraftymom someone will definitely want the TV. Freecycle is a hoarder’s crack.- by WindsweptCoast

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