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Posts Tagged ‘funny Freecycle’

“Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” 

All righty…Zoltar didn’t say that.   Lao Tzu actually said it.  Zoltar would have probably said something to the effect of, “Be happy bitches, and stop whining…Freakcycle’s finally got a post up so get that twist outta your panties already”.

Being part of the zombie workforce kind of sucks.   Gone are the days of 10 am coffee or wine coolers (depending on my mood) and now its only whine.   In fact, I’ve mentioned some variation of wine or whine twice already, three times if you count this sentence.  I’m out of practice, I’ve got a lot to say, and I’m not editing a darn thing.  Did I mention I’m cranky too?

Took this pic of my friend Zoltar when I went to Atlantic City to try and win big so I could tell the Man to stuff it and return to my previous life of leisure.  That didn’t happen- the winning big, or the life-changing prophecy. Zoltar didn’t say a godammn thing to me.

You gotta pay for the big Z to dispense his pearls of wisdom and being the know-it-all that I am, I felt he couldn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know.  I didn’t spend a penny seeking good fortune because I’m kind of a cheap bastard.

I wandered around for hours with my significant other and we laughed at the folly of sad-sacks as they plopped their chips on tired, fading felt tables again and again. We’d taken the trip for some grins and giggles but when we were done, instead of joy, we felt empty and desperate.  A place like Atlantic City will do that to you.

Why am I telling you all this?  (Run-on sentence alert) Because you are either a person who sees the glass half-empty or the glass half-full and that will dictate what view you have of the world, be it the view off of a houseboat in Cambodia or the concrete you wake up to under the cardboard box in a grimy alley behind Caesar’s Palace in Atlantic City.

Stop judging.  Since I am a glass half-full kind of person, all you need to know is that the cardboard was clean and quite pleasant.

Alternately, if you are a glass half-empty kind of person, you have no business reading this blog.  We are positive and pleasant folk here, with sunny dispositions and a great outlook on the world.  (Like how I started it off all pissy and cranko and now I’m skipping on a double rainbow with my pet unicorn?—see our ABOUT page. Classic number 6 behavior)

We’ve featured a couple of sunshine-chasing Freecyclers below to help get you on board.  Believe in the possibility of what the holders of “The Secret” already know. “Everything is possible, nothing is impossible”.

Remember that when you’re looking for direction, pie in the sky fortunes, back patting, half-truths and hacky life coaching, you don’t have to look for it at the casino or elsewhere for that matter because Freakcycle’s already got your back.

What’s the moral of this story in a nutshell? (Again, crazy is as crazy does and we’re plenty aware of it, so don’t go there) Now, where was I? Oh yeah, the moral. Sometimes you have to walk all the way around the block before you realize you’re already home.

Still with us?

  • WANTED: LCD Television (Fxxxxxd)- I am looking for a flat screen HD LCD television- any size. Thank you for considering!
  • WANTED: Running Vehicle (Kxxxxxt)- Don’t know if am allowed to post this. Need a running vehicle. My car’s block cracked and I need a running vehicle to get to work. Will take most anything that does not need major motor/trans issues. Minor like brakes, tune up, etc is fine. Thank you for your help.
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Post ID: 11959493

Type:OFFER

Subject: Papier Maché Moose Head

Location: Wxxxxxy Rxxxe

Description: Home made moose head free to good home. As much fun as making the moose was he just doesn’t fit in my new place and so he has to move on, I’d really rather not throw him out. Either someone as odd as me might like him or perhaps a drama group needing props? He’s quite big but is easy enough to mount on the wall. Photo included because otherwise no one would believe me.

Thanks to @oliverfaulkner for posting via Twitter



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Ok, maybe the photo is a bit of an innuendo but imagine our dilemma in trying to keep this rated PG-13.

Yes, this little prize was obtained via Twitter so don’t kill the messenger. We bring you the posts we’re dealt and you can decide whether to fall out of your chair laughing in a combination of mirth and disgust or you can shake your head in disbelief.

I think we did both…in that order.

Post ID: 11480771

Type: OFFER

Subject: A Glow in the dark Dildo

Location: Hxxxxxxs xxxxxh

Description: This is a glow in the dark dildo, only used twice and is battery powered, worth £50 its been used twice as I said but I now have a bigger black 1.


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Or if you’d rather not clap, do the finger-snapping poetry thing because you know we’re cool cats.  We wrestled with posting this in our Gallery of Gives and Gets because while we did not get these beauties on Freecycle, we certainly got these for free.  Yup, at a yard sale.  I was at this particular sale for about 20 minutes or so and noticed shoppers walked by this box of hands with a look of horror on their face.

These are high-quality, highly detailed rubber hands that were salvaged from the dump.  They came from a doctor’s office, not a CostumeCity store or ExtremeHalloween. No one wanted them except lil’ ol’ me and since it was my friend Sue’s yard sale, she sent me home with this box.  I love her.

We can justify posting this if we cut you off a piece of the action, though.  On the comments section, leave the most imaginative use for these hands in the form of a Freecycle request  (no Halloween decoration suggestions…too obvious) and we’ll send you one via snail mail.  Contest ends on June 3rd so hurry and get your handy posts in!

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How is it that a parrot can get an Artist-in-Residence and I can’t?  

WANTED: Paper doilies, coloured card, etc. for artistic parrot-
Bizarre one this, but our parrot Doris has been invited to attend as Artist-in-Residence at the Flatlake arts festival in Ireland in two weeks’ time. I’m looking for plain-coloured craft-type card or paper – and especially white or coloured paper doilies – anything without printing ink that she can use to create pecktures or other mixed-media artworks. Doilies are proving hardest to track down. (Seehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8Xtjj09HM0for short film,’Doris the Painting Parrot’, featuring her with actor-director Ken Campbell, her previous owner.)

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OFFER: Ivory Damask 3-seater sofa – good used condition Fxxxt/Axxxs
Please let me know if interested in coming to have a look. There is slight
rapture on left arm – but could be easily covered by the armcovers.

Thanks,

Oxxxa

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WANTED: CD-Anyone have a cd for hypnotic weight loss?.  Gained some weight over the winter and have no will power.

“You are getting very skinny, you are getting verrrry skinny…at the sound of my voice, your fat cells will dissipate like dandelion seeds in the wind”.

Get up off your duff, you lazy potato-chip eating doofus and drop and give me fifty.

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