Art Discontent

This was sent in by one of our regular readers who said: “I’m including one of my own posts to my group. I got a crappy African tourist painting as part of a lot at an auction. I couldn’t imagine that anyone would want it, but I decided to post it to Freecycle to see. Despite the wording of my ad, I had two people respond within half an hour.”

This is pretty amateur work, (oh, didn’t you know? We’re art historians too!) but not frightful enough to make it into the MOBA, or for those of you not in the know, the Museum of Bad Art located in beautiful Massachusetts.  Here is a fine example of the caliber of work that they seek.  A lady on a lobster, yes. http://www.museumofbadart.org/coll9/image04.php

Thanks kodabar for sending this in and I am glad you offloaded that fine example of er…painterly expression.

OFFER: Dreadful African-style painting

Enjoy the rich cultural heritage of Africa via the medium of a poor quality mass-produced tourist painting. This ghastly piece of rubbish is mounted on a wooden frame and is about the size of a shoebox lid.

If you’re mental enough to want this, it can be collected from central Alnwick pretty much any time. I don’t really like early mornings, but I’d make an exception just to get rid of this horror.

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Dead Man’s Drawers

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This Freecycle pickup was ruined for me.  I was all over this post when I saw the title, especially since I am quite low on underpants at the moment. I was excited that these would be soft and broken-in but when I read that the guy had died, well, to be honest, it kind of grossed me out and I decided to pass on these.

OFFERED: Men’s underpants (Pxxx Sxxxxx)

Owner deceased.  aprox. 35 pairs.  Have been used but all newly laundered.  Various colours and types.

Thanks to @cherryblack for posting via Twitter

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Pee Wee the Incorrigible

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OFFER: Unruly iguana with cage, Mxxxxxxxxn, please read–We have had “Pee Wee” the iguana for 3 years, however he is not tamed. He will bite. He has been fed the appropriate diet and still is unruly. He comes complete with cage with all the lights, no food though. If you are interested please email me back. Please note that this iguana is not for children. He is about 2 ft long (including tail)
Gxxl

Thanks to Carrie for submitting via email.

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Ghost in The Machine

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OFFER: Working microwave. It was my grandmothers and she got rid of it because someone burn something in it and the smell was getting to her. The smell (burn porkroll) is probably gone or I’m sure will not be hard to get rid of. Please respond with when you can pick up.

Thank you,

Kxxx

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Cruisin’ for a Bruisin’

I challenge you to find a bigger advocate of Duct tape and tape in general than yours truly.  I’ve made Halloween costumes, wallets, even sculpture with it. My laundry basket has been taped to within an inch of being recognizable because I’m too stubborn to let it die a natural death.

Those photos up there are two of my finest packing tape sculptures made in under an hour. But even duct tape has its limits and holding the fruit of your loins in a jacked-up stroller is not cool.  Can you imagine the poor innocent with New Balance tread marks on its adorable, chubby and rapidly bruising cheeks?

So I personally ask you, move away from your computer for a sec, go into your cellar, basement, shed or garage and if you have a jogging stroller, give it up for the sake of this poor little tyke.

WANTED: Jogging Stroller–Hello to all, I am in need of a Stroller to take my little one on runs with me.
Unfortunately the one we have is broken and I tried fixing it with tape… it’s
past that stage. I would appreciate any type of jogging stroller. Thanks for
your time.

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Frosty Freebies

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One of my resolutions this year is to be more generous.

My official first act of kindness is directed to the New Year’s Hangover Person who can’t seem to shake the queasies, particularly if you live by the hair-of-the-dog concept like we do. When I’ve partied too hard, I like to keep the food prep easy and quick.  Pull out of the freezer and into the microwave, or easier still, remove the Saran wrap and grab a fork.

Here you go.  Don’t say I never did anything for you.  Happy New Year.

OFFER: Frozen food-These are items that have been in my freezer about a year and may have become

partly defrosted a couple of times if i left the freezer door ajar by accident.

I’m pretty sure that they’re fine for eating (i make no guarantees on safety–

you’ve got to use your discretion) but they probably have a bit of a freezer

taste.

Here are the contents:

2 Skinny Cow ‘flying saucers’ (round ice cream sandwiches)

3 long-bone lamp chops, raw

Ciao Bella blackberry sorbet (frost bitten)

Fairway fresh pasta- 8 jumbo Mushroom ravioli

plus non-frozen items:

a few slices of boar’s head meunster cheese purchased sunday night (enough to

use on a sandwich)

5 miniature halloween cupcakes (yellow cake with orange frosting)

Bubby’s sour kraut (half a bottle)

Patsy’s Fra Diavlo sauce (nearly full)

take some or all, pickup in xxxxn xxxxxe (MUST BE FLEXIBLE WITH TIME IF YOU DONT WANT THE STUFF TO DEFROST!), reply with cell.

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Baby Blue or…Lady, Your Baby’s Blue!

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This is along the lines of the broken life vest, but not life-threatening.  Unless the kid gets pneumonia.

I’m beginning to think we need a category for people who are well-meaning but completely unaware that their offer is viewed by 94% of Freecyclers as plain old trash-worthy.

What should we call that category?  Submit a name to us and if we use it, we’ll send you this snowsuit, or maybe the vest, or perhaps a kayak with a hole in it?  We’ll surprise you.

OFFER: Lt Blue Head-to-toe snowsuit sz 6mo-MISSING ZIPPER –Hi, I have an ice-blue snowsuit for a 6 mo old, including attached booties and mittens, as well as a hood. The full-length zipper broke a while ago and I tried to keep using the snowsuit by sewing in hook/clasps every 3inches along the length instead. I would say it didn’t work that well. Whoever takes this should replace the zipper.

It has been used by both of my kids, but at this age, they cannot walk or move much, so it’s in good condition with some discoloration. Probably nothing a good
wash wouldn’t fix.

Fancy French designer — a gift from my mom: Jxxn Bxxxxxt.

Available mon-Fri, 10am to 5pm at my office: xxx St at Mxxxxxxl

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Cozy Right Up Into This And Put Up Your Barking Dogs

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Now, now, now.  Don’t cause a Black Friday-at-the-Old-Navy-type-stampede for this one.  You know the Freecycle drill…send a very nice email politely requesting the item and pray to all the saints for your chance to own these bad boys.

OFFER: I have a worn-out club chair with an ottoman up for grabs. The fabric is a
dark pattern. The chair is not in good shape–the fabric is wearing thin in
places, two of the big springs in the seat are broken so you sink back when
you sit, there’s dog hair on it, and it smells like a dog has been sleeping
in it. But if you need a junky chair, this is the one for you!

Thank you to Happy Campers for sending this one to us via SUBMISSIONS.

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Best to Invest in a Trusty Vest

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Wow, wouldn’t you feel worse if you Freecycle it to some thrill-seeking kid and then he drowns?

OFFER: Speedo Life Jacket – 30-40lbs (zipper broken)

I feel terrible throwing this out if anyone can fix it. The zipper is broken a
couple of the teeth are missing and the zipper itself has been lost. Otherwise
it’s in good condition if anyone can fix it.

Easy porch pick up.

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The Thousand Injuries of Freakcycle

Image by arbyreed

Oh this treacherous shell that carries me from place to place deceives me.  The body is only a temporary dwelling, like a house.  But like any shelter, it eventually gives way to the years and the elements that beat upon it every day.

Still I look in the mirror and I see a fine wine.  The label is getting worn and it’s peeling around the edges and the cork’s a bit brittle, but contained within is an intoxicating and potent elixir.

That is my mantra as I check my reflection once again, moving my face right, then left, examining all the subtle angles and the almost imperceptible scar that runs most of the terrain on the left side of my face. The defective jaw and the crumbling vessel that is my body. Here’s another piece of the puzzle for you after waxing poetic for a spell.

My back is killing me because my mattress is too soft.  My bed frame is looking for a new occupant to house its current occupants as it delivers us into Morpheus’ embrace. Had to finish on a dramatic and pretentious note lest you think Freakcycle is getting all macabre and philosophical on you.

Is this the mattress of my dreams? You bet your sweet Edgar Allan Poe it is.

OFFER: Queen-sized mattress, left in the rain & wet. Would probably be fine if you left it to dry. Bring two people to pick up because it’s heavy.

Thanks to Happy Campers who sent us this post via SUBMISSIONS

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