Cat-astrophe Averted

Jupiter and Chicken just the day before

From sheep to cats.  Sigh.

There was no post yesterday because we woke up to an emergency situation.  In my pre-coffee state (picture a blind zombie), I stumbled downstairs to feed the kitties and found that they had broken into a Pandora’s box of trouble.  Jupiter managed to nudge and chew her way into the treat box that while containing two delicious packets of cat treats, also housed a whole bottle of kitty methamizole, our other cat Chicken’s meds.  Those medications are flavored with tasty stuff cats can’t resist, and what resulted was a panicked trip to the animal hospital, loads of emergency treatments including the administration of fluids and some carbon to absorb the meds in their systems, as well as lots of observation by vets.

On my end? It was the lousiest day in recent memory.  I’d pictured a lazy morning, the first week of my summer vacation filled with lots of coffee, lots of leisurely nothing-doing moments and a possible trip to the local museum.  What I got was the sinking feeling that because of my carelessness and Jupiter’s natural curiosity, I was possibly going to lose my two favorite creatures on four legs.

My thirteen-year old Chicken Cat, named so because besides being the biggest scaredy-cat I’ve had the pleasure of knowing, has the habit of making a clucking noise every time she jumps on or off a piece of furniture.  I like to think of her as my sidekick because she follows me around everywhere I go and is more doglike than she cares to admit.  Jupiter Mars, our one-year old terror, was born under our deck and is now the resident kook in this house of nut jobs.  She carries around her stuffed Piglet all over the place and considers it her best friend.

My cats were in dire trouble and although I’ve spent my whole life caring for and loving animals, in one moment, I endangered the two furballs I so carefully and lovingly raised. I spent the day punishing myself for not closing the medicine bottle correctly, not stashing the box away in a cabinet because I know that Jupiter is the Harry Houdini of the feline world. My eyes were so swelled up from crying the whole day, I could barely see. Thankfully there was a light at the end of the tunnel between the narrow slits of my eyes.

I got word last night that they are now stable, there is no neurological damage to either one, blood tests are at normal levels now and they are receiving the best of care and will be home this evening.

Lesson to all…don’t underestimate cats. They rule the world…and they like drugs.

But do they like dressing up as babies?  I figured we needed some cheer after this woeful tale.  Hang in there, it’s worth sitting through the 15 second ad in the beginning of this video. Enjoy.

http://tune.pk/video/77009/tom-amp-jerry-baby-puss-1943

 

 

 

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Sheepishly Sheeshing Our Way Back

How do we begin this comeback?  Tail-between-the-legs fashion? Nah, too uncomfortable. I hate g-strings and a tail would feel much the same way.

Cajoling and excusing? Nah, too wimpy.  I prefer bombastic but is that TOO AGGRESSIVE for being in-absentia for a near year????

Okay then, how about lamb-tastic?  Soft and non-threatening and completely approachable. Maybe dropping some Bible knowledge will further gild the lily?

Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves– Matthew 7:15

Are we false prophets? Maybe just a little.  We did preach that we’d be bringing it back  only to disappear into the mountains again.  Are we ravenous wolves? Um, yeah, so what? Who isn’t?

We are many things, but today we choose to be the bellwether.

What’s a bellwether? Normally we’d tell you to ask a farmer but we decided to throw you a bone since we are technically trying to get back into your good graces.  We’re not farmers but we’re well-versed in Matthew and Sheep 101 terminology.

A bellwether is a sheep that leads the herd often wearing a bell.

Ding dong…we’re back.

WANTED: Sheep- Rxx Bxxxx

I’m interested in possibly one or two sheep. I would like to communicate with someone who has experience in raising them. I have a big yard with plenty of grass.Thanks, Axxxxxxx

PS-  I love wool.  I love wool sweaters, especially when they have the Jeanne Bice stamp of approval…

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Put Away the Bon-Bons Because Life Is Hard

Ours

Readers…you can quit your Navajo basket weaving class now. We are back in cyberspace.

An embarrassingly long vacation with blissful summer nights of wine drinking and laissez-faire easy living á la Vanessa Paradis inexplicably morphed into a formidable and horrific creature which terrorizes everything around it but only during business hours.  Do you know this beast?

If you have a full-time job, then we are now in your ranks.  Yup, back into the Zombie workforce with us. A moment of silence please while we mourn the laid-back lifestyle we were perfecting into an art form.

Although we are now busier than Octomom at feeding time, this blog is back into the ring bringing you the accustomed tomfoolery that runs rampant on the Freecycle boards.  Bear with us because we will not be bringing it on the daily like before until we can work out some scheduling kinks.  I’m hoping salvation comes in the form of a wonder drug (over the counter, of course). This dream-capsule of medicine gives super human strength and endurance without diminishing one ounce of wit–all in one super dose.  Pharmacists out there, reach out.

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Cry Us A River

Source

Arrgh.  No funny Freecycle jokes running through our fine ship of fools.  Thank you to our faithful freakruits who continuously send us posts and keep us afloat.  We appreciate it so much because it gives us a reason to keep on keeping on even when the well is dry and the inspiration is not coming.

Ain’t that a bitch?  On the heels of “Waah Waah Week” and we’re the biggest llorones (español for crybabies…we’re still educational though, ain’t we?).

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Freakcycle’s Brush With Green Greatness

Source

Yeah, take that Freecycle and stir it into your tea!  Sure you’ve had a gazillion posts written about you while we’ve been chugging along the track like The Little Engine That Could and you know what?  We are over the mountain with our train full of goodies and we’re nipping at your heels again!  Don’t fall asleep ’cause we’re coming like a thief in the night and pulling the pillow out from under your sleepy head to give to the highest bidder.

Why the bratty gloating?  We got written about by a blog called Our Daily Green.  It’s our new eco-riffic guru.

There are great articles and links about environmental concerns, tips on saving money (on gas too), eye-opening facts about the crap we dump into rivers and other bodies of water, the air, landfills, and ourselves. All good resources to make small changes for a positive impact on our personal ecological footprint.

Kim, the author of this blog can teach you a thing or two about making something out of nothing or something you wouldn’t think of using…like pantyhose cut into strips to string up your plants.  Awesome.  I’ve only used pantyhose to rob banks. I’m kidding.  Feeling a little badass today and it’s getting to my head and making me exaggerate. I only hassled bank tellers to give me my full paycheck in dollar bills.  For my addiction to cheesy strip joints.  Ooops, another fabrication. Gosh, the train is flying off the tracks and I can’t stop.

Okay, back to the ODG site. Check them out if you wanna get schooled on all things green. We’re not only writing about them because they wrote about us but we figured that since you read this blog, you must Freecycle and if you Freecycle, you’ve got some sense of our place in this fragile world and how we shouldn’t just be buying useless junk like a junkie at Target (huh?), using it for a minute or two and then dumping it in the trash.

What?  Are you surprised that under all the snarkiness, beats an honest-to-goodness heart?  It may be shriveled and black but it’s functional and yeah, we care about the environment too!  We’re not just clowns.  We’re clowns with a mission.

Thanks ODG (that’s our gangsta name for you) for sending us some blog love. Besides having a concise and well-written blog about something close to our heart, you obviously have impeccable taste in finding the funny.  We’re Justin Biebering on you too.

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Ohhhh Yeahhhhh! You’ll Be Remembered Forever

Source– Bob Byrne at Eclectic Micks

Glad the Rapture is coming.  Life isn’t worth living without the “Macho Man”.  Rest in Peace, Randall Mario Poffo. (November 15, 1952 – May 20, 2011)

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Just Wanna Do Something Special For All The Ladies in the World

via Yellowleather-check this site for awesome wrestling greeting cards!

I’ve been thinking a lot about female pants again.  If you don’t know why I’m calling lady pants “female pants”, them let me back track for a minute and have you read our previous lady pants post.

Great, all on the same page now?  Actually, I really don’t know why I’m calling ladies pants “lady pants” now but let’s just leave it alone now and call them lady pants forever.  It’s funnier.

It got me to thinking about wrestling.  Don’t lady pants make you think of wrestlers too?  NO?  Well, then you don’t know “Ravishing” Rick Rude.  Ravishing took the standard issue wrestling tights to a whole other level.

He considered himself so incredibly good looking that he wanted to give the audience a double treat and took to having his face air-brushed right on his tights in a spot you’d never miss, even if you wanted to.  And in case you were a bottle cap glasses-wearing granny or a pro-wrestling fan with A.D.D., he gyrated his hips salaciously just to make sure your focus was where it needed to be.  He swiveled provocatively as he surveyed the crowd for hotties whom he’d call up to the ring to reward with a big smooch. A real class-act.

I’m not a huge sports fan but you know how I feel about wrestling and when I came upon Deadspin’s “Dead Wrestler of The Week”, I thought I was the dead one who’d gone straight up to heaven. Written anonymously by someone who calls himself “The Masked Man”, which in itself appeals to the comic book geek side of me AND the wrestling dork in me, it seems this column exists just to make me happy.  I quiver in anticipation as I ponder which wrestler’s demise will be profiled next.

I really could go on and on about Rick Rude, the Dead Wrestler of the Week column, and wrestling in general but this blog is about Freecycling freaks, not about my wrestling obsession. If you want more of my fawning about wrestling, comic books, and dweebery in general, you can link on these previous blog posts. FREECYCLEMANIA, THE GREATER GOOD, FREAKCYCLE’S ON THE TOP ROPE, WANTING ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING.  Damn, that’s more posts than I thought.  Sigh, pushing up my thick-rimmed Clark Kent glasses nervously because yeah, I’m a card-carrying geek.

More funny pants posts:

OFFER: Confederate wool pants- Home made grey wool pants for reenacting- size small

OFFER: Ladies shorts, pants, jeans 24, 26-Jeans VGC, 2 pr black dressy pants(one stretch but needs hem fixed), several pr shorts. PLEASE NOTE: these will need to be washed. They aren’t dirty but are dusty from storage and one pair of pants has critter(cat or dog, not sure which) on them because they are a MAGNET for fur
NON SMOKING home, but pet friendly. can be flexible with pickup. Thanks!

WANTED: ISO Carter’s White Pants- I am looking for the white Carters pants that have the hearts all over them, in a 6 month. I will trade anything you want.

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Cavy Saavy

Jen Klimas

I bet you never thought that we’d do a segment on guinea pigs.  I bet you never thought we’d use “guinea pigs” nine times in a blog post.  We love people who love guinea pigs…ten.  There…a nice round number.  Let’s move on.

My pal Jen Klimas is an amazing photographer who also happens to love guinea pigs. She makes all sorts of guinea pig items and best of all, she has an Etsy store, which feature her lovely cavy-themed jewelry, magnets, photos and postcards.  I am happy to say that I am the proud owner of a “Guinea Pig Pimp” shirt. You have to see her stuff.  Guinea pig awesomeness and great quality…all rolled into many sweet, furry balls of cuteness.

I didn’t think I’d find anyone who loves guinea pigs more than she does.  Got this one via Twitter.  Check the following post out.  Clearing out your furniture to accommodate the little critters who at their largest, are the size of fat kittens?  You must have an awful lot of guinea pigs.

Anyone in #nxxxxxxe want a double sofa bed? Need to #freecycle to make room for guinea pigs. Would need a van to collect.-tibernie

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Keeping Up With The Hatfields

Source

OFFER: 2 lawn ornaments that seem to me to look like 32″ TVs. Been on the curb at the foot of my neighbor’s driveway for 3 months now…just…sitting…there.
Free to a loving family. A great addition to any hillbilly yard or home! Feel free to come by and just look as well.

Thanks to Jaimee for submitting via Fans of Freakcycle on facebook.

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Auf Wiedersehen, You Said?

Guten Tag!!!  Thought we were gone for good?  Nope. Like a stubborn herpes, we are here to stay.  We were just in remission for a while.

What logical reason would we have to leave you hanging in cyberspace for this long while, you ask?

Well, there’s a treasure trove of possibilities.  Choose one that suits you.  They are all improbably probable.

• the self-important, “Cease and Desist” reason where inexplicably, the Freecycle Network sees us as more than a pesky mosquito in its ear, and says, “Bitches…you are to stop using the name Freakcycle because it’s defamatory, just plain obnoxious and sounds too much like Freecycle”.
• we had a “February Fried Frog Legs” party and almost died from remorse.
• we spent the last thirteen weeks building a rocket ship made out of all the things we made fun of on Freakcycle.  We used it to fly into the great beyond only to find that we were just as lonely on the Moon as we are on Earth.
• we’re not good multi-taskers and when actually thrown out into the world to see if we could really make a living from a “nine to fiver”, we just crumpled in defeat and self-pity.

There you go.  You have a better excuse for us?  Where did you think we went? Leave us a comment and three lucky people will get:

OFFER: 3 Toilet Seats- Have 3 used toilet seats up for grabs. I know some of you think it may be gross, but I’d rather keep them out of the dumps if someone needs them (pun intended) Beige and round seats.

Easy pickup off of Route xxW.

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