Most precious reader, our love for you knows no depths. Although we treasure you just as you are, we’d be remiss if we didn’t let you in on a little secret.
We think you can do better. You’re smart and refined but you’d be downright summa cum laude if you allow us to school you a bit. Ready to enroll?
Let’s jump right in. We begin the class with an invitation and it requires a bit of a leap of faith. Enter the twisty labyrinth right into our ticking time-bomb of a brain. Navigating the sea of our universe can be entertaining but frightful, much like the boat ride on the Chocolate River but we promise you’ll come out of it a much better person.
Lesson One: Familiarize yourself with the Official Freakcycle Glossary. You may refer to it often as we use these terms regularly and we’ll continue adding more Freakcycle glossolalia as we go.
What kind of teacher would we be if we didn’t let you in on a cut of the action? We encourage you to be proactive and send us definitions and terms to consider entering into this most excellent bastion of knowledge.
That’s all for now. Class dismissed. See you tomorrow.
Blogtastrophe- If blog and catastrophe had a baby, it would be this. We of course are completely exempt in this unholy union because let’s be real for a moment…you like us or else you wouldn’t be here, ok?
Freakruit, freakruited- When you submit to our blog any Freecycle foolishness you come across, we enroll you in our twisted army. At ease, soldier, we won’t be too hard on you. Drop and give us twenty…submissions, that is.
The Great Brain- This is our computer, where all the magic happens.
Qucked, qucked up– A mistake made via typing the wrong letter on the Qwerty. We think that this is exceptionally funny and quite irresponsible.
We recently got 30 inches of snow and I still don’t find free snow on Freecycle humorous as you may have noticed, since we blogged about it once before. It’s a cheap laugh device, not original at all. Grr, I think that all the shoveling’s got me a bit cranky.
OFFER: Snow
I have a load of snow in the drive way. Ready to be collected anytime. Perfect for anyone who does not have any snow that wants to build a snow man, a ski slope or wants to save some for Christmas.
It’s a new year…yeah, yeah, Happy New Year and all that mess. May we whine a little to bring the new year in right?
Why aren’t we excited on the first day of 2011? Clear cut case of sibling rivalry, that’s why. We continue our struggle to compete with our better-liked, more popular, sister-from-another-mister Freecycle and let me tell you, we’re feeling like the red-headed stepchild. We are the Jan to Freecycle’s “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia”. Truly rolling our eyes and stamping our feet over here. Freakcycle’s throwing a colossal-sized tantrum, the kind that would make a 3 year old blush.
If that weren’t enough, we are still tragically behind in our numbers as we lamented in this post and it’s starting to sting a little. Why can’t we be Marcia? Waaah, waaah.
Ever have someone kick you when you’re down? Freecycle’s got their stinkin’ boot on our neck. We got nothing and they’ve got everything and unknowingly they are chipping away at us bit by bit. Check this admin post for example. They are taking away our livelihood, don’t they realize? If Freecycle foolishness ends, how the hell do we continue our tomfoolery?
We love you Freecycle but cut us some slack this year, won’t you?
Hello Nxxxxx Freecycle(TM) Members,
We are taking a few minutes of your time here to discuss WANTED posts.
We promise to make this as short as possible.
We’ve recently been getting a number of WANTED posts from people that
seem to think of Freecycle as their personal shopping service.
All Freecycle groups have some guidelines for how many WANTED requests
you can post or if a member is asking a little too much in a post.
The Nxxxxxx NJ Freecycle(tm) group does have these guidelines.
Bad news! These guidelines may be getting stricter.
It’s really up to you if this change is implemented.
Instead I ask all members to change how message post are submitted to
the list including WANTED and especially OFFERs. I would love to see
more OFFERS than WANTED posts on the list. I would like to explain the
concerns of what is going on lately with posts submitted to the list,
including complaints by members about these kinds of post.
Comments by members in post and those that join the Nxxxxxx
Freecycle group:
– I am limited on money.
– I am a senior.
– I am disable.
– I have 5 children and I desperately need everything!
– I just got an apartment and I need my apartment furnished.
– I want clothing ( list of name brands) and it must be these name brands.
Truth is Members are complaining about these kinds of post!
And no one has any clue if these desperate messages are true. We do
not know you to believe if any of it is true. Members complaints are
that post are becoming too demanding as if the Freecycle network is
the place to request these items and members are expected to gift
these items. Members do not join the Freecycle network group to
take care of your needs.
LET US BE CLEAR AND FOCUSED:
Freecycle is NOT here to take care of your needs. Desperate
details are not permitted in your post. Your problems financially are
not permitted in post. The child that is sad because they want a
particular item is not permitted on the list. Just ask with a polite
thank you and hope that a member has that item they meant to get rid of.
Just because members post items for free with the Freecycle Network
does not mean that the main focus of Freecycle is to seek ONLY items
for free.
This IS NOT your one-stop shop-for-free store!
No, no, no. This is not what Freecycle is about.
The reason and benefit of using Freecycle is that it encourages us to
GET RID of junk that WE no longer need and promote community
involvement in the process.
The Freecycle network is to help the community get rid of their pack
rat ways while conserving our landfills as much as possible. We ALL
have things in our garages, closets, attics, offices, etc., that we
don’t need. Freecycle lets you find someone who does. This Freecycle
group matches people who have things they need to get rid of with
people who can use them.
Our MAIN GOAL is to keep usable items out of the landfill NOT to
furnish your apartment or to fix your house.
An influx of needy post have been submitted to the list and moderators
have been omitting the desperate need messages out of your post.
NO MORE. Moderators will not omit pleading post, needy post out of
your post messages. Instead your post will be REJECTED and you will
be asked to re-post your wanted item. Moderators will not permit any
member to tug at members hearts to receive that want.
“I want I want I want” starts to look ugly in the eyes of members.
I know because members have commented on the ridiculous request and
the amount of wants members have posted.
Don’t place yourself in that light.
Please consider getting the ball rolling by first making an offer
to the group. It’s good fun and no offer is too small!
The importance that you bring to your community and by being
a member of the Nxxxxxx Freecycle(tm) group is that your community
stands up and is counted as those who are making a difference with the
Freecycle’s Mission to help our environment.
Thank you all for being here and being a part of this movement. The
generosity and kindness we have seen with members since getting
involved with Freecycle is quite amazing and it is recognized.
Team involvement is the way to keep up the good work! I so appreciate
and thank you for that!
And if you can’t relate to the Brady Bunch metaphor and the sibling rivalry thing, then how about the guy who wants the girl but can never have her, kind of like Gary from the Last American Virgin?
Wow, this guy wins the Freakcycle prize for most succinct and to-the-point Freecycle request. I’m getting a picture of a Tom Waits “What’s He Building?” , mysterious type of character.
Is it blog-worthy? Yes it is, especially in light of our previous blog entry about how to get your Freecycle WANTED post to stand out. This guy makes my mannequin post seem overly verbose. Shame on me for wasting the valuable time of Freecyclers everywhere.
RE-OFFER: CD of Christmas music–Never listened to, so I can’t tell you who sings the songs or if they are instrumental or vocal, but if you want an unused CD of Christmas music, here it is.
Please give MORE THAN ONE day and time you can pick it up. I am tired of writing back people to ask them this, even though it is in the post!
No requests to call you and no delivering to you!
Pick-up in the xoxoxoxo, in a doorman building.
Replies that just say “I’m interested” and nothing else or that are in text-ese will not be answered. C’mon people, it’s the holiday season – put a little effort into it. All of us who give things away do!
Today I found out something that was very distressing to me.
We’ve been scammed by tryptophan. That’s right. Despite popular belief that turkey has a particularly high amount of tryptophan, the amount of tryptophan in turkey is typical of most poultry. Whaaaat?
Each Thanksgiving, right after stuffing their faces like Augustus Gloop on the shores of the chocolate river, everyone and their mother blames the tryptophan-loaded turkey for their general “who gives a beep”, kick your feet up, rub your enormously distended belly, and watch endless “Miracle on 34th Street” reruns until 2 in the morn Thanksgiving attitudes.
Who do we blame now for being idle, lethargic, sluggish couch potatoes on the day of the Pilgrim? Why is everyone around me comatose? Must be the Asti Spumante.
Who needs family togetherness when there are free eats on Freecycle? Ditch the small talk with obnoxious relatives, get in your hybrid, pick up that cooked turkey off of a stranger’s porch, go home, hide in the closet and eat yourself into careless oblivion. Happy Turkey Day.
OFFER: Turkey Soup–fresh vegetable soup. bring a bowl. anybody hungry would like. p/u soon. ty
TAKEN: Turkey Soup-found a hard working man that needed a hot meal. ENJOY. ty
OFFER: Tray of cooked roast beef/ham/turkey–All cooked yesterday afternoon, given to us to take home last night. 2 trays full are just way too much for us! Hoping maybe someone could use this for a few dinners. Please e-mail if you could use this or if you know someone that could. Pick up must be by/before Sunday night. The food can be picked up tonight too. Thank you!
OFFER: Turkey–does anyone need a turkey? I recieved an extra one today (fresh) not frozen and don’t want it to waste. if you cant come early than I will give to someone else.
OFFER: 1/2 ham–sealed/uncooked- I know it’s late to offer this, but I have an extra ham to anyone who needs it. It’s a 1/2 ham shank, good size. I just got it this morning at Shoprite, but don’t have room to cook it. If anyone wants it, please let me know asap. I also have some canned veggies, etc.
You know that we here at Freakcycle are defenders of the underdog. We’ve proven that over and over. We love three-legged animals and the bearded lady. We’ll choose the generic soda in the blind taste test every time. Would you believe that we like ugly too? It’s true. We laugh in the face of perfection. Those airbrushed humans you see in them fancy fashion magazines? Best believe we’d kick sand into their fake faces.
WANTED: Unattractive bike–I’m looking for a bike that’s functional, but might not be a thief’s FIRST pick… Just something to get around on in the city. It’s okay if it’s not unattractive, too, but I definitely won’t rule out any ugly (but working) bikes. Thanks!
OFFER:2 couches–2 large matching 3-seaters. In all honesty, they are quite ugly and worn, good for maybe a frat house or something. They are pastel, we got them from two aging Floridians, so think Naples in the 80’s. But they’re good enough, very comfortable, not necessarily very clean, but not gross either. Definitely nobugs. Pick up tonight or tomorrow, Monday at the absolute latest.
WANTED: Animal Mask-Hello-Looking for a full-head animal mask, preferably a fox or a wolf mask but any animal or halloween mask should be ok….just not one of those “scary” masks with an eye hanging out. It is for an art project. I can pick up any time and anywhere there is a subway. Thanks!
Source
Freakcycle 