Zoltar Says…

“Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” 

All righty…Zoltar didn’t say that.   Lao Tzu actually said it.  Zoltar would have probably said something to the effect of, “Be happy bitches, and stop whining…Freakcycle’s finally got a post up so get that twist outta your panties already”.

Being part of the zombie workforce kind of sucks.   Gone are the days of 10 am coffee or wine coolers (depending on my mood) and now its only whine.   In fact, I’ve mentioned some variation of wine or whine twice already, three times if you count this sentence.  I’m out of practice, I’ve got a lot to say, and I’m not editing a darn thing.  Did I mention I’m cranky too?

Took this pic of my friend Zoltar when I went to Atlantic City to try and win big so I could tell the Man to stuff it and return to my previous life of leisure.  That didn’t happen- the winning big, or the life-changing prophecy. Zoltar didn’t say a godammn thing to me.

You gotta pay for the big Z to dispense his pearls of wisdom and being the know-it-all that I am, I felt he couldn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know.  I didn’t spend a penny seeking good fortune because I’m kind of a cheap bastard.

I wandered around for hours with my significant other and we laughed at the folly of sad-sacks as they plopped their chips on tired, fading felt tables again and again. We’d taken the trip for some grins and giggles but when we were done, instead of joy, we felt empty and desperate.  A place like Atlantic City will do that to you.

Why am I telling you all this?  (Run-on sentence alert) Because you are either a person who sees the glass half-empty or the glass half-full and that will dictate what view you have of the world, be it the view off of a houseboat in Cambodia or the concrete you wake up to under the cardboard box in a grimy alley behind Caesar’s Palace in Atlantic City.

Stop judging.  Since I am a glass half-full kind of person, all you need to know is that the cardboard was clean and quite pleasant.

Alternately, if you are a glass half-empty kind of person, you have no business reading this blog.  We are positive and pleasant folk here, with sunny dispositions and a great outlook on the world.  (Like how I started it off all pissy and cranko and now I’m skipping on a double rainbow with my pet unicorn?—see our ABOUT page. Classic number 6 behavior)

We’ve featured a couple of sunshine-chasing Freecyclers below to help get you on board.  Believe in the possibility of what the holders of “The Secret” already know. “Everything is possible, nothing is impossible”.

Remember that when you’re looking for direction, pie in the sky fortunes, back patting, half-truths and hacky life coaching, you don’t have to look for it at the casino or elsewhere for that matter because Freakcycle’s already got your back.

What’s the moral of this story in a nutshell? (Again, crazy is as crazy does and we’re plenty aware of it, so don’t go there) Now, where was I? Oh yeah, the moral. Sometimes you have to walk all the way around the block before you realize you’re already home.

Still with us?

• WANTED: LCD Television (Fxxxxxd)- I am looking for a flat screen HD LCD television- any size. Thank you for considering!

• WANTED: Running Vehicle (Kxxxxxt)- Don’t know if am allowed to post this. Need a running vehicle. My car’s block cracked and I need a running vehicle to get to work. Will take most anything that does not need major motor/trans issues. Minor like brakes, tune up, etc is fine. Thank you for your help.

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Revisiting Freakcycle’s Wish List- Apocalypse Style

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Just because we’re quite comfortable using the sarcasm stick to make fun of Freecycling buffoons does not mean that we don’t have wants, needs, and desires that are worthy of a guffaw or two.

The Internet Gods say that in order to give good blog, you must be able to be vulnerable, put yourself out there a bit, and give personal and compelling information from time to time in order to connect and grab your readers.

Here it is people…wait for it, waiit for it…

We’re greedy bastards.  That’s it.

Okay, we love puppies and unicorns too, but that’s for a post-Rapture post, if we’re not chosen to ascend. (Please God, take us, they know about the unicorn stuff now).

We figured heck, since the end of the world is upon us, why not hover opportunistically over the Freecycle forums like a circle of vultures over a 3 day-old whistle-pig corpse? We stand just as good a chance as anyone of getting a few of the items on our wish list since the end of the world is upon us, no?

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Looking For Presents Under The Free Tree

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More coffee please.  A back massage and some valerian root would be good too.  Acupuncture?  Christmas really brings more posts than we know what to do with.  ♪♪ Oh Christmas greed, Oh Christmas greed, thou greed most scary ugly. ♪

That is why, weeks after Christmas, I can finally get to the end of all the holiday gimmies I’ve come across.  This is hard work, people.  Freecycle overflows with covetousness the likes of which know absolutely no boundaries.

This is a good time to thank all of our faithful submitters of nuttery that is our bread and butter.  You make our lives easier as the scanning of thousands of Freecycle emails for the fool’s gold, so to speak, is back breaking work.  Thank you.

WANTED: Home theater surround sound system-If anyone have a home theater sound sytem they nolonger need. I would love to have. Thank you

WANTED: “wanted urgently”…Please can anyone out there help me, does anyboy have a modern lcd or plasma digital tv set with hdmi’s etc that they no longer need or want due to upgrade etc? and they can drop it into me as I am disabled this would be fantastic if someone can help us out, If so please can you let me know imediately please as mine has just blown up on me and we are currently not able to watch tv or play games etc because of this,sizes from 20 inch upwards please if possible. Must be digital tv sets only tho. If you do have please ring me on 01273 xxxxx (edited, for their safety!) urgently if this is possible. Thank you very much. Thank you Terri for sending this to us via SUBMISSIONS

WANTED: I know it is a stretch, but u never know! Anyone not want their flat screen tv anymore? maybe you upgraded or something lol!

WANTED:Nintendo DS- It’s for my granddaughter. I can pick up in Xxxxxxxxn. Thank you. From same person☛WANTED: DS games- For my granddaughter. I am able to pick up in Xxxxxxxn. Thank you.

WANTED:I am in need of some stuff.

*We have ceramic tile floors and are in need of some rugs.
We need a larger floor rug, preferrably brown, beige, gold
or similar color. We need pink, gold, blue, or green rugs for the
bathroom and any color rugs for the kitchen. We also need
mats for the front and back doors.

*I’m also looking for some TV Trays, little ones for the kids
and larger ones for me and my husband.

*We need a prelit christmas tree 6ft or taller

*I need some black pants size 16 and some black closed
toe shoes size 8-8.5

I can pickup anytime.
Thanks for considering us. Thanks to Allison for sending to us via SUBMISSIONS

WANTED: Exercise Equipment–Looking for an exercise trampoline, nordic track, eliptical, stair climber, tread climber or rowing machine (or anything of this nature) for a Christmas present. Thank you! Thanks to Barbara for sending this to us via SUBMISSIONS

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Freecycle vs. Freakcycle

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It’s a new year…yeah, yeah, Happy New Year and all that mess.  May we whine a little to bring the new year in right?

Why aren’t we excited on the first day of 2011?  Clear cut case of sibling rivalry, that’s why.  We continue our struggle to compete with our better-liked, more popular, sister-from-another-mister Freecycle and let me tell you, we’re feeling like the red-headed stepchild.  We are the Jan to Freecycle’s “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia”. Truly rolling our eyes and stamping our feet over here. Freakcycle’s throwing a colossal-sized tantrum, the kind that would make a 3 year old blush.

If that weren’t enough, we are still tragically behind in our numbers as we lamented in this post and it’s starting to sting a little. Why can’t we be Marcia? Waaah, waaah.

Ever have someone kick you when you’re down?  Freecycle’s got their stinkin’ boot on our neck.  We got nothing and they’ve got everything and unknowingly they are chipping away at us bit by bit.  Check this admin post for example.  They are taking away our livelihood, don’t they realize?  If Freecycle foolishness ends, how the hell do we continue our tomfoolery?

We love you Freecycle but cut us some slack this year, won’t you?

Hello Nxxxxx Freecycle(TM) Members,

We are taking a few minutes of your time here to discuss WANTED posts.

We promise to make this as short as possible.

We’ve recently been getting a number of WANTED posts from people that

seem to think of Freecycle as their personal shopping service.

All Freecycle groups have some guidelines for how many WANTED requests

you can post or if a member is asking a little too much in a post.

The Nxxxxxx NJ Freecycle(tm) group does have these guidelines.

Bad news! These guidelines may be getting stricter.

It’s really up to you if this change is implemented.

Instead I ask all members to change how message post are submitted to

the list including WANTED and especially OFFERs. I would love to see

more OFFERS than WANTED posts on the list. I would like to explain the

concerns of what is going on lately with posts submitted to the list,

including complaints by members about these kinds of post.

Comments by members in post and those that join the Nxxxxxx

Freecycle group:

– I am limited on money.

– I am a senior.

– I am disable.

– I have 5 children and I desperately need everything!

– I just got an apartment and I need my apartment furnished.

– I want clothing ( list of name brands) and it must be these name brands.

Truth is Members are complaining about these kinds of post!

And no one has any clue if these desperate messages are true. We do

not know you to believe if any of it is true. Members complaints are

that post are becoming too demanding as if the Freecycle network is

the place to request these items and members are expected to gift

these items. Members do not join the Freecycle network group to

take care of your needs.

LET US BE CLEAR AND FOCUSED:

Freecycle is NOT here to take care of your needs. Desperate

details are not permitted in your post. Your problems financially are

not permitted in post. The child that is sad because they want a

particular item is not permitted on the list. Just ask with a polite

thank you and hope that a member has that item they meant to get rid of.

Just because members post items for free with the Freecycle Network

does not mean that the main focus of Freecycle is to seek ONLY items

for free.

This IS NOT your one-stop shop-for-free store!

No, no, no. This is not what Freecycle is about.

The reason and benefit of using Freecycle is that it encourages us to

GET RID of junk that WE no longer need and promote community

involvement in the process.

The Freecycle network is to help the community get rid of their pack

rat ways while conserving our landfills as much as possible. We ALL

have things in our garages, closets, attics, offices, etc., that we

don’t need. Freecycle lets you find someone who does. This Freecycle

group matches people who have things they need to get rid of with

people who can use them.

Our MAIN GOAL is to keep usable items out of the landfill NOT to

furnish your apartment or to fix your house.

An influx of needy post have been submitted to the list and moderators

have been omitting the desperate need messages out of your post.

NO MORE. Moderators will not omit pleading post, needy post out of

your post messages. Instead your post will be REJECTED and you will

be asked to re-post your wanted item. Moderators will not permit any

member to tug at members hearts to receive that want.

“I want I want I want” starts to look ugly in the eyes of members.

I know because members have commented on the ridiculous request and

the amount of wants members have posted.

Don’t place yourself in that light.

Please consider getting the ball rolling by first making an offer

to the group. It’s good fun and no offer is too small!

The importance that you bring to your community and by being

a member of the Nxxxxxx Freecycle(tm) group is that your community

stands up and is counted as those who are making a difference with the

Freecycle’s Mission to help our environment.

Thank you all for being here and being a part of this movement. The

generosity and kindness we have seen with members since getting

involved with Freecycle is quite amazing and it is recognized.

Team involvement is the way to keep up the good work! I so appreciate

and thank you for that!

And if you can’t relate to the Brady Bunch metaphor and the sibling rivalry thing, then how about the guy who wants the girl but can never have her, kind of like Gary from the Last American Virgin?

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Wood You Please Drop Off?

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The WANTED posts of late are all people I’d like to hit with a foam bat.  The cute tree-hugging cub pictured above keeps my blood pressure from sky-rocketing. Keep referring to the bear.  More foolishness coming your way.

WANTED: Firewood–if you happened to have a tree come down recently with all the wind, I would love to have the wood (not pine though) can be dropped off at your convenience, or I can pick up (within reason, I only have a minivan) I am on Hxxxxxl/Hxxxxet border. Please and Thank you

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Camera Car Come-On

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Hi, It’s me again with a public service announcement—Stay in school.

Qwerty slip-up or bad speller?  This is the first thing I check when I’m running a post with mispellings through the “Sarcastimator.” If they qucked up (that’s our term for a Qwerty slip-up, although technically it is not a Qwerty slip-up but a nod to number 6 on our ABOUT page ) then I don’t judge them too harshly unless the rest of the post is worthy of a shakedown.

Mr. Me Again qucked up once but he consistently mispelled camera.  Lousy speller or Freudian slip?  Sigh, remember our Class Reunion Camaro? Ah, the memories…

This post is a true gift.  Bad spelling, avarice, and just a bit of cheek right at the end. Happy early Christmas giftie to you!

WANTED: Videos camaro/Ps3 or xbox-Its me again,
I am looking for a video camaro. Now the camaro doesn’t have to be qorking but please have all the parts with it. also if you are throwing out a ps3 or a old xbox please send me a message and we will pick it up. now when you send a message please have your number and a day when to call u

thank you,
have a good life

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Wanting Anything and Everything

Image by bigdeadbat

If Freakcycle were to post a WANTED, without any repercussions from a self-righteous Freecycler, or threat from an annoying blogging watchdog like Freakcycle (we hate us!) the post would read a little something like this:

WANTED: Anything and everything I’ve ever been denied-  Here’s a short list Freecycle folks, in case you can help me out.  A Big Wheel ’cause I never had one as a child, size 8 quad roller skates with blue wheels in mint condition, a potter’s wheel with a year’s supply of clay, a horse (preferably an Arabian) to ride when the spirit moves me, a big plus if the the horse’s name is “Ghost Rider”, “Double Fantasy” (my fave John and Yoko album) or “Wind Runner”.  I’m also looking for an Atari 2600 (controllers included of course) with the games Ms. Pac Man, Asteroids, Pole Position, Breakout, Centipede, Galaxion, Mario Brothers , and Cookie Monster Crunch, a Saab 900 Turbo convertible with a leather interior (if you have one laying around), this huge collection of WWF Classic wrestlers http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5ztLVzUIfU, and a fly swatter that yells “Die, sucker!”.  Thanks.

Ours is not nearly as bad as these two, right? Right?

WANTED: Anything for a Wedding
I am getting married in October and this is going to be a wedding that is very budget cautious. I am in need of just about everything at this point. Hoping to have Calla Lillies and the such to accent the wedding, bridesmaids dresses will hopefully be in a brown/chocolate/latte color. If you have just gotten married or have been married but have things that you would be willing to donate to a girl who would really appreciate it please consider sending me an email and helping me make my dream wedding come true. In need of everything!!

Thanks to Q for sending to us via SUBMISSIONS

WANTED: Babyshower stuff- im having a little boy and i need everything for the babyshower

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All Bling, No Thing

Image by Nicora

WANTED: The BlackBerry Curve 8530 phone

Date: June 7, 2010 1:02:12 PM EDT

Hi. This is a long shot but looking for a BlackBerry Curve 8530 phone. I have the Storm & it is not working good & would like to switch to a Curve phone. Please email me!! Thank you!

Saw the post above and thought, hmmm, maybe we should save this one for our “Choosy Beggars” category and so I set it aside.  What makes this one worthy of that fine distinction is that they are asking for a specific and fairly new model BlackBerry.  Most Freecyclers with their feet firmly planted on terra firma a.k.a. reality will usually word their request as follows (these are all actual FC posts we saved):

• WANTED: ATT cell phone- dog ate mine-UGH!!

or:

• WANTED: Sprint Cell Phone- Hello,I am in need of a Sprint cell phone.  My Blackberry fell off the sink into the, you got it, the toilet!!  I didnot have the insurance on it.  If anyone has a Sprint phone they are no longer using, please please, let me know.  I will put it to good use and never leave it in the bathroom again!!  Thanks for looking….

A bit dramatic yes, maybe even stretching the truth but like we’ve mentioned on Freakcycle before, sob stories work on us, the gullible Freecylers that we are.

Why did we post the time on that Curve phone request?  Because a couple of hours after posting their first WANTED, they came back with the one below.  A BlackBerry Storm is just as good as the Curve even when “it is not working good”, right? Solution…Bling blao…bling it out.

WANTED:Rhinestone/any cool blackberry storm 9530 phone covers. :

Date: June 7, 2010 3:20:56 PM EDT

Hi I’m looking for a rhinestone phone cover for my Blackberry Storm. If u have any other cool storm phone covers that will be good too. Email me please! Thanks!

Brilliant (not a pun).

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Schooling the Gannets

Image by chopp3rs

Freakcycle’s full of bite today.  We’re pissy and cranky and the grabbyhands are gonna get the short end of the stick.

GREEDO #1–WANTED: 50″ LCD T.V (Stockton-on-tees)

I am looking for a 50″ LCD. T.V must be new and working prefrably with a sky+ H.D box.

FREAKCYCLE– Must be new and working.  Hmmm.  How about you get to working since you want that burger with all the fixins?  Here’s what you get on Freecycle. Grandma’s 27″ tube TV or an older Sylvania 13″ TV/VCR combo with remote (the VCR part does NOT work), and if you’re super lucky  and the gods are smiling down on you, then a small Hitachi LCD with a cracked screen.

Thanks to Sophia for sending this to us via SUBMISSIONS

GREEDO #2– WANTED: sunfish sailboat w/trailer if possible
I’m looking for a light, recreational sailboat to sail the ocean bay with! I’ve been looking for a boat for months.

FREAKCYCLE– I’m looking for a light, aluminum bat to knock some sense into you. I’d like to drink Coronas on the deck of some recreational something or other in the middle of the South Pacific but if you’ve been looking for months, did you think it would magically appear like a pod of dolphins swimming alongside said sailboat?  The dolphins would of course (since we’re dreaming in Technicolor) lead you to the bevy of beautiful mermaids who’ve been alone on a desert island just waiting for you to drop by on your Freecycled craft and ravish them.

Thanks to Q for sending this to us via SUBMISSIONS

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Breakin’ The Ton

Image by www.comicgenius.com

WANTED: Camaro – Farmington

I need a new car and I’m thinking I want a Camaro. I’ve been doing some checking and I want an orange 1994 T-top.

If you have one your not using let me know. I don’t want to spend any money on it, so it has to be in excellent condition, both in appearance and running.

Get with me ASAP because I have a class reunion next week and I’d like to have it by then. XXXXXX@XXX.com

Thanks to Allen for sending this in via our SUBMISSIONS page.

As we’ve mentioned, some Freecycle networks still allow posting a want for a car. Hope that trend continues because Freakcycle likes to see everyone’s dream come true.

In that spirit, we’d like to wish this person much luck in his  free and in-mint condition Camaro search on Freecycle and we offer him a few lesser known facts about Chevy’s top pony-car so he’ll have something to talk about at the reunion as he is showing off his baby.

• Though the car’s name was contrived with no meaning, General Motors researchers found the word in a French dictionary as a slang term for “friend” or “companion.” Ford Motor Company researchers discovered other definitions, including “a shrimp-like creature” and an arcane term for “loose bowels”!

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